A Little Freak of Melancholy
by underyourstars
Summary: **COMPLETE** Ginny begins seeing Snape in a different light after drinking a potion. How will she handle it?
1. Chapter One

_Title_: A Little Freak of Melancholy

_Email_: underyourstars@uol.com.br

_Rating_: PG (just to be safe)

_Classification_: romance/humor

_Pairings_: Snape/Ginny; Harry/Ginny (maybe ;-)

_Spoilers_: I think this doesn't spoil anything from any book…

_Disclaimers_: Yes, I'm J.K. Rowling and I own them all, and book five is not ready yet because I'm writing stories like that instead of working on the original one… As you guessed, they're not mine, so please don't sue.

_Archive_: oh, did you like it? Great, take it, just tell me where it's going, ok?

_Summary_: Ginny begins seeing Snape in a different light after drinking a potion. How will she handle it?

_Thank_ _you_: Amanda for being the best beta in the whole world!! This fiction wouldn't be anything without you!! – Oh, and she didn't beta this disclaimer, so if there's any mistake, it's not her fault…

Chapter 1 

I could swear his eyes on me were the only thing that kept me from bursting out of my body, but then he spoke. And his voice echoed though my veins and cells, making me shiver and smile.

His words sounded like velvet touching my skin, while his eyes would just stare at me, almost bored. And just then, somebody decided to wake me from my illusion by kicking my ankle, and that _really hurt._

"Miss Weasley, could you please tell me where your head has been?", he said, defiantly, looking at me like I was a worm and he was trying to overcome the nausea to step on me.

"Right… here?" I answered, afraid he would humiliate me again in front of the entire class.

"Good try, but that did not sound convincing. Twenty points from Gryffindor!"

And now everything was back to normal. Snape had finally satisfied his need to take points from Gryffindor and the rest of the class could finally breath.

Actually, I couldn't breathe just yet. What had I been doing? I was lusting over Professor Snape! The thought made me want to scream my way out of his class, bury myself in the ground, and stay there forever. How could I possibly start seeing him that way? 

And then I remembered. It had been three days since Hermione had come to me with the desperate idea of drinking a potion…

It was Friday evening when she asked me if I would talk to her. That request was unexpected. After all, there were very few times that she actually felt the urge to talk to me; like when Krum asked her to the ball and she just had to tell someone, I was there. I am always available. Poor little Ginny, with no friends and no social life.

She was confused between Harry and Ron. Oh, you can't imagine how much I loved to hear her say that… "Oh, Ginny, Ron asked me out but sometimes I think of Harry in a totally different way! What if I accept Ron and lose my chance with Harry… and what if I refuse and it's Ron I like?"

I just felt like crying. That was so _thoughtful_ of her, to talk about her feelings for Harry in front of me! The one who had loved him for years. Or so I thought had loved him for years…

She had found a potion in one book during one of her researches. The potion was easy to make, and would show who your heart truly desired. Of course, it was the perfect solution for her. It wasn't even forbidden, because it wasn't a love potion, not really. It would simply make it easy to see whom you loved, if you were torn between two or more lovers.

When she told me about that potion, I couldn't believe it was in a book. It seemed something that would be in Monthly Witch, that stupid teen magazine with love advice and good-looking wizards posing and blowing kisses for stupid girls who would buy it – me included -; but that's not the point. 

The point is that she was petrified. So I, as the great friend I can be, offered to drink that potion with her. I would help her in making it and would finally drink it with her.

Of course, I thought it would be easy enough. I mean, I was already used to feeling what I've felt for Harry Potter; a potion could not be so difficult to handle. What I didn't expect was what came after that.

We drank that damn potion on Sunday morning, Hogsmeade day. Hermione would spend the day with her two "candidates", so she could feel whatever she had to feel and end all her doubts. 

I have no idea how her day went, but mine went on as usual. Of course, I didn't go to Hogsmeade with them, so I went with Fred and George. But then, the strangest thing happened. 

I wouldn't feel anything when I looked at Harry. By dinnertime, we sat side by side, and I didn't spill my juice, nor did I spread food all over the table, or lose control and destroy the food with my elbow! And I couldn't believe that when he talked to me, I talked back quite clearly! Even Ron couldn't believe it! Well, actually, he _wouldn't have believed it if he had seen it, but he didn't see any of this since he and Hermione had become a couple that day. Cheers for them!_

Well, back to the point. I was starting to feel a little dazzled. I wasn't used to feeling so normal around Harry. I started to look around in despair; the looks on Hermione's and Ron's faces were just disgusting and I didn't feel even slightly romantic enough to enjoy the new couple; until I looked at the teacher's table, and saw Professor Snape eating his chicken with his severe look. 

And that was when I went back to my clumsy self. I tried to take a sip and spilled juice all over me, my chicken flew into Ron's face, and I destroyed Harry's food with my elbow. When Snape looked back at me, I just couldn't take my eyes away from him. And, I lost every word of my vocabulary.

There was something growing in my chest, and if I didn't proclaim out loud I would certainly explode! But I couldn't understand what it was, for I had never felt anything so powerful. It just took over me and I was on my knees before this feeling I couldn't even explain.

And now it's Monday morning and this feeling still needs to be released. It seems like it's not mine, and it will be inside me until I voice it.

That was it. I needed to talk to Hermione.

The chance came at dinnertime, when she felt the urge to go to the library to research who-knows-what for Harry. I followed her and asked to talk to her. And then, at the empty library, I tried to sort everything out.

"Are you sure that wasn't a love potion?"

"Oh, yes, I'm sure.", she said, shaking her head up and down quite violently. "It would only make you feel… well… how can I explain?"

"Like you would explode every time you saw the person?" I said before she could try to explain. "Like there was a bomb inside your chest that would burst and leave pieces of you everywhere if you just stopped looking at him; and makes you feel like he needs to know what you feel… and the whole world disappears when he is around, and the physical pain is nothing compared to what you feel inside while you cannot say the words…"

"Wow, Ginny, I didn't imagine you loved Harry so much…", Hermione said, looking concerned.

And that was it. I had come so far; I had to say what I was being urged to say.

"I'm in love with Professor Snape."

There it was. I had said it. 

The pain should be over any time now…

Any time now.

Oh…

"I've said it, so why do I still feel this thing burning in my chest!?" I cried, desperate.

Hermione closed her dropped jaw and swallowed hard.

"Are you sure you felt all those things you described to me so perfectly when you looked at Snape?"

I nodded, feeling very unhappy.

"Well, Ginny, I don't know what to say… I mean…", she looked quite concerned now. "I don't think the pain will stop until you tell him what you feel." 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter 2 

My world was shattered. 

"You've got to be kidding me!"

She just shook her head and I knew I was lost.

"But there must be a potion that could make you not feel… you know…. This urge to tell him.", she said, trying to comfort me. "I'm going to start looking for it right now and I'm sure you'll feel better in no time… But, Ginny…", she gulped, preparing herself for the question I just knew she would make.

"How could you love Snape?"

How could I love Snape? That was not possible, really. I had never thought of him _that way… oh, no, wait. There was this time where I kept thinking about washing his hair with my hands… and this thought led me to think of us in a bathtub, looking quite content and…_

But I had dismissed the thought right at that moment and never thought of it again until now.

Well, there had been that other time, when I looked at his eyes and felt like there was something there hidden for only the right person to read, and that time I had this curious impression that I, of all people, would be the only one to read it.

I couldn't dismiss this thought so easily, though. I had dreamt about his eyes that night, but when I woke up I just called that dream a nightmare and moved on with my life.

Oh, and there was this other time when I looked at his body and…

All right, maybe I had thought of him _that way… but how come I hadn't realized it until now?_

"Because you were too scared to deny your crush on Harry, Ginny."

Now my conscience had spoken and it was right. All I had to do was try and control myself before him until Hermione could find a good potion that would kill this need to talk to him, and everything would be fine again.

Who was I trying to deceive? The thing got worse every time I looked at him! And now I could hear his voice even from the other side of the castle, feel his presence across miles of distance. And that pain inside of me would never lessen.

And even if it did, would I actually keep my big mouth quiet? It's not like there was a potion that could rid you of unrequited love… or was there?

No, there wasn't. At least not in the common area of the library, as I soon found out by reading every single potion book there was to read there. I almost tore apart the last book in the pile out of frustration when Madam Pince came to rescue it from my hand with an angry look.

"You can't destroy the library property!" she said in a very rude tone.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't find the damn potion anywhere!" I sighed, almost crying while I pulled my hair with despair.

That must have been a strange picture, because the librarian just looked at me in concern and said something that seemed quite obvious to her:

"So why don't you just ask your Potions teacher?" 

**Please, people, review!!!**

And let me thanks with all my heart the people who already reviewed this and made me the happiest girl in the world!! (I even danced around my apartment!!) 

**Thank you _Silver Star_, _cassie_, _Karen_, _Veresna Ussep_ (hey, very nice name!) and _Sunny_ (or my beloved beta, who was kind enough to leave me a review!! Come one people, isn't she something?). _Figure_, btw, thank you for the compliment and the correction!!!**

**I'll try to post the third chapter today!!**


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter 3 

All right, I know you're thinking that the librarian's advice was something I could not take. First, because we all know my Potions teacher's temper. He would call me a stupid child with nothing better to do than try to steal his precious time. And second, I couldn't talk to him. I just couldn't. That would lead to something very stupid that I would regret for the rest of my life.

I knew all of this. But that advice kept popping into my head every few minutes. A wild side of me – one I didn't even know I had – just kept telling me that it wouldn't be so bad. After all, it would be an excuse to talk to him. And, let's face it, it had been two weeks since Hermione had promised me a solution, and there was none yet!

And today was Monday. And there he was, talking with his velvet voice, his pale skin in contrast to his black robes, his hair falling in his eyes every now and then, driving me absolutely mad with every minute.

I was going to explode today. I imagined myself screaming for the whole class to listen that I was in love with the most hated teacher Hogwarts had ever had.

I couldn't ask him anything; that would be a terrible idea. If I stayed beside him for too long I would explode and…

And then my cauldron exploded. It didn't just melt or spill some potion out… It literally exploded, covering my classmates and me with a purple liquid that was supposed to be blue.

"Detention, Weasley, and thirty points from Gryffindor!" he screamed in anger, his pale face now as purple as my potion. "Now clean up this mess before I decide to do something drastic!"

I was petrified, but I managed to hurry with the cleaning before he screamed again. 

I felt tears running down my cheek. How could I possibly be in love with a man who screamed at me like I was some mentally-challenged dog? 

After a long time he spoke again, now in a cold tone that sent shivers down my spine.

"What's going on with you, Weasley? Not that you were a genius before, but now you let your mind wander and ruin every single potion I give you to do. And I'm not pushing it too hard. They are simple; so simple that a first year could make them correctly!"

That was when I realized we were alone in the classroom; everyone was out for lunch. I hadn't even heard the bell ring; I was so absorbed in my thoughts of self-hatred. There he was, standing in front of me, his robes covered in purple resting on his table, wearing just a black shirt and black trousers. 

"I… I haven't been thinking…" I muttered, praying for him to understand.

"That was obvious." he cut me off with an arrogant smile. "Although thinking wasn't so difficult for you before."

Was it my imagination or had he just paid me a compliment in his own twisted way? I couldn't help but smile, even with the pain in my chest almost breaking me in two.

And he noticed the smile. I realized that when his expression got even angrier and he screamed out of frustration:

"What is it now?"

"I love you." I said in a very clear voice. 

Oh, no. Oh, no. I clasped my hands over my mouth, too shocked to do anything else. He, apparently, was also very shocked, for he just kept staring at me like I was mad; his mouth dropped open.

"I am sorry…" I tried to say something, but nothing came. But my stupid apology brought him out of his surprise, although he seemed quite out of things to say.

"What in heaven's name got into you to make you say that?", he said in an amazed tone, looking like he had been struck down by lightning.

"That I'm sorry?"

"That you were in love with me!"

"I didn't say I was in love with you," I said, feeling more confident – or crazier – now. "I said I loved you," I couldn't take it back now. "And if I said that, it's because I do love…"

"Alright, I heard it!" he cut me off, shaking his head like he was trying to shake off his confusion. "Now, I don't know if I should send you to the infirmary for you are certainly not well, or if I should just take fifty points from Gryffindor and talk to the Headmaster about getting you expelled!"

"Expelled!" I shouted in frustration, still on my knees before him "Why should I be expelled?"

"Because you are trying to mock me, and students are not allowed to mock teachers in such way!" He seemed quite childish while saying that.

"I'm not mocking you!" I said while getting up, tears running down my cheeks again while my Weasley temper got the best of me. "I just couldn't take it any longer because of this stupid potion that I shouldn't have drunk!"

His eyes were glowing quite dangerously now.

"So let me see if I understand..." he said, his voice already in a cold tone again. "You drank a love potion. And then you saw me, and now you are in love with me" He smiled wickedly. "Well, Miss Weasley, I'm sorry to inform you that love potions are not allowed in this school and now you will certainly be expelled!"

"It was not a love potion, Professor." I said in a resigned tone. "It was a potion to make you realize who you love. I drank it to give support to a friend, and then I discovered that of all people, I was actually in love with you."

He froze, his smile dying while he realized what I had just said. He looked down for a minute, but when his eyes met mine, he seemed as lost as I was.

**Next chapter is the last one, so, please, review!! ;-)**


	4. Chapter Four

A/N: Quickly before I go: I have no idea what happened, but just now I saw chapter two comes before chapter one at ff.net!! How could they do it? I'm trying to fix it, but I don't know how!! If anyone can help me, please write me (underyourstars@uol.com.br)!! 

**Now thanks to Figure (who actually was the one that caught my attention to the switched chapters), Silver Star and Pseudonym Sylphmuse for reviewing!!! You've made my day, really!!!******

**Final Chapter, everyone!! Hope you enjoyed it!! Write me and tell me what you think! ;-)**

Chapter 4 

I ran down the corridors later that evening to serve detention, carrying the book from which Hermione had taken that damned potion. I was already late, for I couldn't find the bloody book in the library and couldn't find Hermione anywhere to ask for her help.

But as desperate situations ask for desperate measures, I just took out my wand and focused on the book, saying, "Accio old book with that potion that ruined my life!" Amazingly, in no time the right book was in my arms and I rushed down the stairs, heading for the dungeons.

 I stopped when I reached the potions class, and quietly opened the door. There he was, sitting by his table, too concentrated on his thoughts to notice me. I took my time, and enjoyed the view as long as I could. His long fingers were tapping on the table, sometimes running down it, almost like a caress. I could almost feel those fingers caressing my skin, and my body burned with the thought. I watched as a lock of his hair fell into his eyes, and he didn't even care. Suddenly I was conscious of his breathing, his smell and his presence that dominated the entire classroom. I closed my eyes, feeling dizzy with all the sensations I was experiencing, forgetting about the whole world while I could just feel his presence closer and closer…

"Miss Weasley, I would appreciate if you just came in and helped me solve this problem quickly", he said harshly, his face just a palm away from me. 

I was suddenly back to reality, but not as embarrassed as I should have felt. What was going on with me?

And wait… did he just call my love for him a problem? Because that hurt!

He waved his hand, asking me to take a chair and sit in front of him.

After I did so, he finally said, "So, let me see this potion of yours."

That was not a request, but an order. I quickly found the page and gave him the book, which he took, careful not to touch my hand.

I just sat there, staring at the table while he seemed to read it over and over. When he finally looked up, I looked at him and noticed that he was more pale than usual, although he was trying to keep his face controlled. I could tell this because he was making a very poor attempt at a controlled face as he looked right in my eyes and then at everything _but me._

"Indeed, this is not a love potion that went wrong."

"So…?", I asked, uncertain about what to do.

I should have felt frightened that he knew, but amazingly I was just waiting for a solution. The pain in my chest was still all-consuming, although it was weaker now that I had confessed my feelings.

"So I don't know how to handle this", he confessed, his cold tone now becoming quite emotional. "I don't know what to say… Could you just overcome your love for me any time soon?"

"I don't know!" I answered, angry at that suggestion. "But I would really appreciate it if you would just stop treating me like a stupid little girl who is in love with you for lack of better things to do!"

"Well… isn't that the case?", he asked, looking like a stupid little boy.

I couldn't help but smile at him, realizing how difficult it must be for someone who tried so hard to be hated, to suddenly be loved. 

"Couldn't you give me a potion to fall out of love?", I asked, my voice failing.

He looked at me with his eyes as cold as before. "Well, no, Miss Weasley, for this kind of potion is absolutely forbidden in this school, and I am not going to break any rules I've helped create just to stop a situation rather embarrassing to you… and me." He said the last part very quickly, his face red of embarrassment.

Just then he punched the table very hard and stood up, bursting with frustration: "Why couldn't you just maintain yourself as Potter's little pet, following him around like he was the center of your Universe? And why did you have to tell me what you feel? Why couldn't you just keep yourself quiet and handle this situation like any other normal girl?"

"I wish I had kept my mouth shut!", I cried, feeling my tears come again while I faced him with a courage I had no idea I possessed. "Do you think I'm enjoying having this pointless discussion with you, talking about my feelings as though they are inconsequential enough not to deserve any attention? I know it was crazy to feel like that, and trust me, if I could choose, I'd never be in love with you, because you are old and insufferable! But then you have the most beautiful hair, that would get quite silky once I could take care of it, and you have something in your eyes that just glows… Your voice… god, every time you spoke you would send me to heaven wrapped up in velvet… and then I found myself seeing you as I've never seen anyone… And I just knew…", I brushed away my tears with the back of my hands, smiling at the thought. "You have no idea how much it hurt to feel all these things and to keep it secret! After this stupid potion I felt my chest ache with the need to tell you everything. I just had to tell you or else I would explode! Until today, when my mouth was quicker than my brain…" 

The silence was so heavy I could feel it in the air, compressing my lungs every time I inhaled. After a long time, so long it seemed like hours, he spoke in his velvet voice:

"So I guess being intolerably rude with you wouldn't help you get rid of your feelings either, now, would it?"

Did I catch a tone of hope in his voice or was it just my own hope tricking me?

"More intolerably rude then you already are?" I asked in a murmur.

He laughed with me at the thought. Oh, how beautiful was his laugh! If he would only laugh more often!

He walked to his table, standing behind it with his hands behind his back and when he spoke, his voice was not trying to be controlling or cold, it was just a resigned tone that could break my heart more easily than any other tone.

"So I believe I can't help you."

Oh, yes, that broke my heart.

"You see, Miss Weasley, you are my student after all. Our age difference, which you may not consider right now, would be a strong problem if we decided to feed this… infatuation." He sighed. "And I would lose my job as you would destroy your reputation for someone who just isn't worth it."

I looked up to meet his eyes, which were now almost caring, glowing with a feeling I think not even he could explain.

"So I suggest that you go on with your life and seek boys your age with whom you can date, as girls like you do."

I couldn't control my tears now. I was sobbing uncontrollably, standing in front of him, the table a solid barrier, although I knew that it wasn't the only thing keeping us from each other.

He was right. He was absolutely right, and there was nothing I could do to change it. I had been so selfish, thinking of my feelings as something so harmful, that I hadn't even considered the fact that he could have feelings too, and I wouldn't be the center of his universe. But a part of my brain was too stubborn to give up, and I found myself asking him:

"What about this pain in my chest?"

He seemed almost helpless.

"I wish I could help you, Miss Weasley, but all I can say is that nobody ever died of a heartache before. Trust me." 

 I nodded, trying to control my sobs, still drying my tears with the back of my hand.

"I'm so sorry I took so much of your time…"

He shook his head, his eyes expressing concern and… pain?

I took the book and headed to the door, not certain that I wouldn't stumble over it.

"I trust you will understand if I become more ill-tempered around your class and take some points from Gryffindor if you just breathe more loudly than you should.", he said, his voice as cold as those dungeons.

"Of course." I said with fading voice, smiling at his presence of spirit. 

By the time I touched the doorknob, he called me again and I heard him say in almost a whisper, his tone emotional again: "Thank you."

I didn't know what to say, so I left without another word and stood behind the door after I closed it. I didn't hear any movement while I just stood there, my heart in pieces as I tried to control the tears.

I can't explain how I got to the Gryffindor tower that night, but it was eleven at night when I gave the Fat Lady the password and entered the almost-empty common room. 

I sat at one of the sofas, still holding the book against my chest, unaware of anything around me. I stayed there for a long time staring at the flames of the fireplace, my eyes blank now that the tears were gone.

"Hey, Ginny?", I heard a soft whisper beside me, and I turned around to see Harry Potter staring at me with concern.

"Oh, hi, Harry, I didn't see you there!", I tried to smile, but couldn't sound convincing.

"I realized that as you passed though me as if I wasn't here."

"I'm sorry…"

"No, it's okay.", he smiled, "I think you're treating me as I've always treated you, right?"

"No!", I shook my head, turning completely toward him. "You never made me feel like I wasn't there. Sometimes you made me feel that you didn't want me there, but never like I _wasn't there…"_

His eyes shone sadly with that realization. "Oh, Ginny, I'm sorry. I should have been more careful; I should have talked to you…"

"You're feeling like a third wheel now that Ron is dating Hermione, aren't you?" I said with a smile, trying to comfort him. He just nodded sadly, examining the fireplace with renewed interest.

"They are still my friends, of course, and I'm so happy for them, but… it's not the same thing."

"I understand", I said, looking at him, putting my own misery away for a while to try and make him feel better.

"I mean, we've been through a lot together. It's not like that could be erased." He let out a cry of frustration, "Come on, we even faced a troll together!"

"I realize I wasn't much of a help back then, but one could say we faced Lord Voldemort together once."

 He looked deeply at me, catching my eyes with his and smiling, seeming very comfortable now. "Yes, we did, didn't we?"

We kept quiet for a while, memories running through our heads.

"Care for wizard chess?" he broke the silence.

"Anytime!" I laughed, putting the book aside and helping Harry with the table and the pieces.

Maybe the night wouldn't be so long after all, I said to myself while letting go of my chest, understanding that that pain one day, well, _probably one day, would give place for something new._

All I could do was wait. 


End file.
